How Single Mothers Can Explore Dating After a Divorce

How do single mothers handle the pressure of queer dating?

Divorces can be brutal, and once you let go of a union that pretty much defined a big part of who you are, rebuilding can be a very hard step of the process. One of the biggest steps you make in the aftermath of a divorce is bringing your sex life back to life.

It can be particularly tasking when a divorce leaves you a single mom, and you have to figure your personal life out while still being a good mom. So how can you find a balance between these two life situations?

Wait Until Your Divorce is Finalized Before Dating

Divorces can take months or years, depending on many factors. If you happened to be separated before you decided to get divorced, it could seem like you’re free to date. But legally, you might not be. It can also be quite the stress when you have to keep explaining your marital status to your dates.

It can be worse trying to get into a more serious relationship while being legally attached to someone else. However, it also gives you time to complete the paperwork and find out whether you’ll curate a co-parenting relationship with your partner or something else. When the paperwork is complete, you’re now divorced, and then can you consider dating.

Give Yourself Some Space to Heal

No matter the circumstances that led to the divorce, the journey to recovery can really mess up your mind. It can be easy to develop negative feelings towards love and relationships, which is normal, given the amount of time spent trying to make a marriage work. So, before you jump back into the dating pool, take a moment and give yourself some time to think.

It can be pretty hard to adjust to living with your kid or kids alone, going to bed alone, or not having someone to tell how your day went. Jumping back into dating before you heal and figure out why you want to date can have you with some questionable characters under the sheets. On the other hand, you can use this period to go to therapy and work on your healing journey, explore a hobby to keep your mind occupied or spend more time with your family.

Practice patience in the process, and when you meet someone for the first time, no matter how perfect they seem, take a beat before introducing them to the kids. Kids need stability, and your date is not replacing their other parent, which is something you need to respect.

Try and Keep an Open Mind

Remember that time in college when you were exploring your sexuality? Maybe this is the time to bring back the naivety of your youth and see what the world has to offer. But unfortunately, single moms can find going back into dating quite hard. This is mostly because apart from considering their happiness, they also have to consider who they get their kids to meet.

When you want to consider dating again, it’s wise to note that dating options for single women are not limited to men only. They can also explore bisexuality, dating women, or even being asexual. As often said, there are many fish in the sea, very diverse fish. This can be a great time to explore your sexual orientation, and who knows, you can perhaps end up with a partner you’re more compatible with or find peace in life by yourself.

Get Back Out there and Socialize

Building and maintaining a social circle is a great step towards healthy dating

Once you find peace with yourself and you decide to explore, then it’s time to put yourself out there. If you love going out to clubs or festivals, get that outfit you haven’t worn in a while and strut out for a fun night. Get a babysitter and pack up some bags for that weekend-long festival. There are numerous establishments you can explore to get social again. Once you find one that floats your boat, you can find a partner to enjoy a few months with or, who knows, perhaps the rest of your life.

Single motherhood does not bar you from having the same fun you would have as a teen, so if you can handle a night out, then try that again. If the clubbing zone is too much for you, going out on more quieted-down dates is also a great option. The talking stage can be quite boring when you begin dating; you might need to exercise patience for this one bit. Getting back out there can be exhausting, especially if you’ve been in a long relationship.

Get on a Dating App

Between parenting, a career, and other aspects of life, being a single mom can leave you no time to socialize. Thanks to technology, you don’t have to look for people the old-fashioned way. There are numerous dating apps in the world today. You can open up a profile on an app where you can meet men or on LGBTQ+ apps where you can hook up with lesbians and bisexual people.

Dating apps like Taimi really open up the possibilities of meeting people from all over the world. Single mothers looking to date after a divorce can check Taimi to meet and interact with different people based on the specific attributes they are looking for in a partner. You can find a woman who might also dig your fetishes and bisexual people looking to explore their sexuality. You can also interact with queers who want to love or have a fling with someone.

If anything, these are some of the people with a close-up experience of what you’re going through.

How about Setting Up Some Expectations?

So, you just got a divorce and want to date again. What are you looking for? Who are you looking for? Life is not exactly a romantic comedy, and just because life is unfair does not mean that you’ll find a sports magazine model to take home. You need to define what you want and what you are looking for. Do you want an honest person? Are you looking for a summer fling, a rebound, or someone to spend more time with?

Having and setting these expectations will help you decide whether you want to swipe right on that match, go out on that date or just let it pass. Your first relationship after a divorce can come with many doubts and comparisons with the exes. Remember that this is not a do-over of your marriage. If you keep comparing people to your partner, you might be setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Dating again after a long-term relationship, especially where you were married, can feel like you’re trying to fix the mistakes you had in your marriage. That is not the case. With some expectations laid out, you can easily understand what you’re looking for and have a fail-safe when you feel like you’re getting desperate.

Be Honest with Yourself

When a marriage ends, it’s easy to hate the other person or find them a villain. However, you need to understand that you also played a role in its failure. Being honest with yourself comes with understanding that you also have your flaws and that you might need to work on them before dating again. Because divorce is a loss, you’ll have to undergo the stages of grief. This process can take a long time, and your feelings can bubble up when you least expect them.

Leave some room in your thought process for these feelings to resurface because they will. These feelings can be quite a setback, but they are normal, and by being honest with yourself, you can process these feelings as they come. You also need to accept that you’re divorced, which is not something bad.

You should also be honest about yourself and where you’re coming from with your dates. Some people appreciate proper communication, and being honest shows you own your part. It’s a very mature move.

Conclusion

Getting back on the saddle can be quite a task, but it doesn’t have to weigh you down. You can take some time to think things over and access your needs before looking for someone to meet them. Understanding that dating does not have to end up in something serious eases the pressure of the process. Take it one step at a time and enjoy the moment.

What are some challenges that the dating pool serves to single mothers? Share your thoughts and opinions with us. We would love to hear from you!

 

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